Campfire Cooking for People Who Burn Toast

If you’ve ever blackened a piece of toast beyond recognition, congratulations: you’re in the right place. This post is for those who fear the frying pan, side-eye the spice rack, and still think "simmer" means "turn the heat up and hope for the best."

You’re probably someone who loves the idea of camping. The fresh air, the stars, the quiet, the chance to unplug and pretend you're the kind of person who could survive in the wild (if necessary… probably). But then you remember… there’s cooking involved. Like, actual meals. Made by you. Without a kitchen… and suddenly your fantasy hits a snag.

So how do you feed yourself in the wild without summoning the spirit of Gordon Ramsay to yell at your burnt damper?

Easy. Lower your expectations and follow this guide.

Do the Smart Stuff at Home

The best campfire cooks are not the ones who know how to balance flavours over a bed of coals. They’re the ones who did all the hard stuff before they even left the house.

- Chop your veggies in your clean, well-lit kitchen.

- Pre-cook your rice or pasta and bring it in a container, ready to heat.

- Mix marinades and sauces at home and label them.

Nothing kills the camping mood faster than trying to dice an onion on a slippery esky lid while neighbouring campers judge you.

Foil Packet Magic

Here’s a trick even kitchen-phobes can master: foil packet meals.

Take some meat (chicken, sausages, steak, fish, etc), add chopped veg, a splash of oil, salt and pepper, or marinade, wrap the whole mess in foil, and chuck it into the coals like you’re sacrificing it to the fire gods.

Wait 15–20 minutes. Open it up. Is it cooked? Hooray! If not, wrap it again and give it another five.

Some tasty combinations that almost feel like real cooking:

- Chicken, capsicum, onion, mushrooms, BBQ sauce

- Sausages, potato and sweet potato cubes, carrot, herbs, olive oil

- Salmon, lemon, dill, green beans or asparagus.

If all else fails, just chuck a heap of cheese on it. Cheese fixes everything.

Bring the Right Gear

You do not need a full kitchen setup with collapsible spice racks and a fancy camping oven you had to sell a kidney to afford. Keep it simple.

Here’s what you actually need:

- A portable gas stove or BBQ plate, unless you’re planning on cooking everything directly over the fire.

- A non-stick frying pan that you don’t mind getting a bit scorched.

- Tongs (do not forget tongs unless you want to flip sausages with a stick).

- A spoon, fork and knife.

- Plenty of paper towels.

Also: never trust the campground BBQ to be clean. Those BBQs have seen things. Scrub thoroughly. Then scrub again.

Meal Ideas For People Who Hate Cooking

These are not “recipes.” These are assemblies. If you can open a can and stir something occasionally, you’ve got this.

1. The Classic Brekkie Wrap

- Tortilla

- Scrambled eggs

- Cooked bacon or sausage

- Grated cheese

- Tomato or BBQ sauce, or sriracha

Wrap all the ingredients in a tortilla. Heat it up in a pan or wrap it in foil and toast it near the fire, then eat it like a burrito.

2. Beans and Mince on Toast

- Tin of beans

- Tin of tomatoes

- Packet of taco seasoning or whatever spice mix you can find

- Pre-cooked mince

- Bread

Throw it all in a pot. Heat until bubbling. Eat with bread or toast. Or a spoon directly from the pan while sitting in a camp chair, reflecting on your life choices.

3. Campfire Jacket Potatoes

- Whole potatoes, washed

- Toppings; sour cream, grated cheese, shallots, herbs, bacon

- Olive oil, salt and pepper

Rub potatoes with oil, salt and pepper, wrap in foil, bake in coals ~30–40 mins. Split open and load with toppings. Toast a bit longer if you like to melt the cheese.

It’s Time to Let Go of Your Inner Clean Freak

Camp cooking is messy. You will get oil on your fingers and ash in your baked beans. You’re not failing—you’re rustic.

That said, bring baby wipes or plenty of hand towels. And don’t leave your dishes until the next morning, unless you enjoy scraping solidified scrambled egg off your pans before breakfast.

Bonus Tips for Burnt Toast Veterans

- Buy a toaster cage for the campfire.

- Test your gear before you go. Not at 7 PM in the bush with no torch and a growling stomach.

- Cook sober. This should be obvious, but just in case: if you can’t safely light the stove, you definitely can’t safely make dinner.

Camping is Not About Perfection

It’s about showing up, trying, and laughing when things go sideways. Which they will.

So if you burn the toast, scrape off the black bits and keep going. If you spill sauce on your shirt, wear it like a badge of honour. And if you drop a marshmallow into the fire, well… that’s just a sacrifice to the camping gods.

In the end, it's less about perfect meals and more about perfectly imperfect campfire moments.